Travel Bug

It's true.  I have been infected by the most damaging bug - well the most damaging to my bank account!  After being back from Thailand for ... a week I had already planned and booked my next trip!

ATTENTION LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE WILL BE LANDING IN BALI ON THE 5th OF JANUARY 2012.

Yes sir!  And I will be exploring with two of God's greatest gifts - Mister Kristofer Dickson and Tarryn McDonald.  No parents, no curfews, no schedules.  I feel great memories and further tanning glory approaching.

On a more apprehensive note: Christmas is coming!  Which will be an interesting episode in the O'Keeffe residence.  Actually to be honest it will be interesting for the entire Yates family.  I am not sure if people will even pull their heads out to force a Family Christmas this year.  It may be that relationships are too strained this year.  Thank goodness I have my licence *knock on wood*.

Time to dust off my santa hat and bring out the classic christmas carols.
Join me in wishful song <3

Attraction.

Is it crazy to be attracted to someone that you only have interaction with through old-fashioned letter writing?  That's the way I feel right now - CRAZY.  Yet it's such an attraction that I kind of don't mind being on the insane side.  

at.trac.tion 

noun

1.  the act, power, or property of attracting

2.  attractive quality; magnetic charm; fascination, allurement; enticement

3.  a characteristic or quality that provides pleasure

Secrets.

I don't like keeping secrets.

Well more correctly, I don't like keeping my secrets.  Which sounds a little crazy.  See, I am crazy good at keeping other people's secrets, "I'm like a vault, locked down."  But when it comes to exciting or scary or confusing or just secrets about me in general I am terrible at keeping them.

And as this new one is ridiculously exciting, I am pretty much bursting to share it.  There are so many friends and family that need to know.  But I don't want to tell anyone yet on the slim-to-none chance that it doesn't happen.  I have already told my parents, both my sisters, an aunty and my nana and pop so who knows who else knows about it really.

I also hate keeping secrets that I know are going to hurt some people in particular.  Those who have plans or are comfortable with the security of how things are now. 

 

Their worlds are going to be turned upside down and that's on me.  

But this is something that I really want.  And it's been a long time since I've done something just for me regardless of the consequences and others it affects.  I think it's about time that I take some me time and I know that if people really love and care about me they will find it in their hearts to just be happy for the passion and desire I am choosing to follow.

Stalk away for future breaking news.

Calm before the Storm.

Feeling awfully calm and unemotional today.  Calm before the storm?  I think so.

party.party.party.

Fairytale

I wasn't thinking rationally, 

"If I just grab onto the back of his shirt he won't be able to walk away."

In reality fairytales don't have happy endings.

Tumbling Down.

Let's just say it's a good thing there are only three more days until Thailand.

Haters Beware.

And the count down has officially begun.  Only 10 more sleeps and I will be flying my way to culture and tanning glory.  What a better way to start Spring.

Geek Out.

Well it is day 4 of best rest for my bulging back, and I am very excited.  I am excited because I woke up this morning and I thought that my Chiropractor appointment was at 11:15 and so I had plenty of time to get ready.  And then of course we were running 10 minutes late and when we arrived (me and jacinta) Cass had already gone.  Sad face?  No.  Because this meant I got to go to Officeworks and get my Geek on.  


So two of my aunties and one of my uncles have got these 2 Terabyte WD boxes and Digital Media Players which are basically a movie / video library.  So that instead of wasting all of my money on DVDs (a very impressive weakness of mine) you can just store thousands of movies on these hard drives and save all the money / space.  It is very excitement.  The only problem is now I am probably going to have like 2098327 hard drives to put on all the movies / music videos / tv shows i want on there.  So it's a little but of a predicament.  

But I am downloading a bazillion movies / tv shows at the moment and my amazing aunties are downloading all of their shows and movies now so I will pretty much have to buy a new hard drive again anyways.


Well I am much to busy and important.


Geek Out.

pain.

Pain is a normal part of life.  There's physical pain, emotional pain, spiritual pain ... a whole world of pain.
I want the pain to stop.


But on the upside, having a slipped disk you get an amazing cocktail of drugs.
Vallium/Diazepam, Codeine, Voltaren <3

Definitely takes care of the physical pain.

Round.A.Bout

It's funny.  When you are so used to people hurting you and disappointing you your skin becomes armour thick.  It doesn't hurt so much anymore ... words and actions bounce right off.  But like Achilles we all have that weak spot and those who can find it.  We just never think its going to happen. And then it does, and it strikes harder and more fierce than you could have imagined.  And it's like the armour you built never existed in the first place.  You're back at square one.  Round-a-Bout.  A never ending cycle that you thought you had beat.  Thought you had control over. 


Round.A.Bout.

Harm.

harm
noun
1. physical injury or mental damage; hurt: to do him bodily harm
2. moral injury; evil; wrong
verb (used with object)
3. to do or cause harm to; injure; damage; hurt: to harm one's reputation

self-de.struct
verb (used without object)
1. to destroy itself or oneself: The missile is built so that a malfunction will cause it to self-destruct
2. to cause itself or oneself to reach a state of collapse, dysfunction, confusion, or the like: The committee is so disorganised it will probably self-destruct before it can accomplish anything

Self harm and self-destruction come in some many different forms.  Drugs.  Alcohol.  Smoking.  Sexual Philanthropy.  Mutliation.  Gossip.  Mistakes.  Fear.  Narcissism. 

grow some balls and say it too my face.

Dear Daughter.

Dear Daughter,


I remember well the day you left my side, wandered through the veil and ventured forth to fulfill your earthly mission. I had a tear in my eye as I clothed your spirit in a cloak of love and sent you off to school. Be assured that my thoughts are with you now, as always.

I love you with all of my heart. I know your life, the good, the bad, your grief, your disappointments, your unrewarded efforts, your frustrations. But always remember - all that I have is yours if you will only come home again.

Daughter, realize that in you I have placed a bit of heaven. No one was exempt. I love all of my children. You have some blest gift, some talent, some little part of me in you. Search for it, develop it, use it, and most importantly, share it with others. If you really love me, then help others find themselves and lead them to me Show your love by serving others.

Repent of your failings and humble yourself. Make yourself ever teachable and continually strive to improve. I gave you weaknesses to help you be humble. Don't condemn me for that. I did it because I love you. Be full of hope. Don't let discouragement engulf you. I'll come if you need me.

Daughter, cease you idle contentions. Be a peacemaker, for it breaks my heart to see so many of my children fighting. If they could only see what I have hoped, planned and desired for them. My heart breaks as I watch them. But you, faithful daughter, are my hope. It is through you that my work must proceed. You haven't much time and there is so much work to be done. I beg you to get started. Accomplish the mission I gave to you before you left me. I'll help you. I'll never be too busy or too far away to come to you. I'm nearer to you always than you might suspect. I have so much I would like to tell you, but I can't here.

Come to me often in prayer. I love to talk to you, my beloved daughter. Be diligent in my work and my kingdom shall be yours. I'd love to take you in my arms, but I too, must wait patiently: that time will come. Till then I leave you my peace, my blessing, my love, and never forget I am nearby whenever you need me.

I love you and miss you so very much and, oh, how I am looking forward to your return to me and your Mother.

All my love,

Your Heavenly Father. 

The Adventures of Farm Girl.

So today is one for the story books.  Having just moved onto our 20 acre farm in the last couple of weeks, we have really been embracing the "farming lifestyle".  You know .. driving down a dirt road ... no traffic around.  Today was our first step into conventional farming.  We went to a farm down in Pakenham to pick up 2 baby calves - only a few weeks old each.  And also 2 pregnant ewes - they are both due in the next 6 to 8 weeks, so we will have beautiful little lambs.

So the adventure began when we had loaded the animals into the trailer and brought them back to the farm.  The ewes came off first and were released into the side paddock which had all of the gates locked up.  And then came the calves.  They were put into the back stable bay all lined with fresh hay and hey were loving life.  Bear (our one year old kelpie) was at his usually occupied position next to the chicken coop.  But he eventually realised that there were other animals in the stable and came rushing over to meet the 2 new additions.  For such a hyperactive and energetic puppy he was really calm and gentle with the calves.

And then he noticed the ewes.

He was running home through the side paddock when, about half way up, he realised the paddock was already occupied.  So he took off after them and started the afternoons chaos.

We weren't worried about the sheep escaping because all of the gates had been shut up and there are fences around the whole property.  What we didn't realise however, was that sheep are very "houdini-esc" when they are being chased by a barking puppy.  They ran straight through the wire fence and into the open back 6 acres.

The next 4 hours consisted of myself, my dad, my best friend Tarryn McDonald, my ex-boyfriend and his sister running through neighbouring properties trying to catch the sheep.

We were lucky to find the first sheep within the first half hour .. but it took us at least an hour and a half to two hours to trap him close enough to catch him.  He had escaped next door into the cow paddock of our neighbours property and everytime we got close he would bound away to another neighbouring property.  Finally with enough stealthy approach and careful attack we had him close enough to catch.  PROBLEM: He was right up at the house caught in a garder bed surrounded by windows.  Teancum and Dad snuck up to the corner, counted to three and *SMASH* ... there goes the bottom window.  Luckily they managed to hold onto her and she didnt make it all the way inside or cut herself on the broken glass.

By this point we were all beyond exhausted from running through the fields non-stop but we had another sheep to find.  And the urgency was getting greater as the sun sets around 5:30.  We only had a few hours to find her and were getting extremely nervous about the survival rate for her and her unborn lamb.

So after an hour and a half more paddock-hopping in pairs we eventually all met up at the far side of our property to investigate another neighbours land.  It seems we all had the same train of thought.  And after only 5 minutes of walking along the perimeter we spotted her hidden behind the barn.  She was a lot easier to catch and instead of 2 hours we had her caught in 10 minutes.  The neighbours came down to have a good laugh and look at the sheep and then we got her in the car and back to the farm.

So we packed the two ewes into a freshly lined stable overnight until a more secure field could be fixed for them.

I have a feeling that farming life will suit me very nicely.

EXPECTATION.

So tomorrow is the very long anticipated Hen's Night for my beautiful girl friend Lael Pollard.  At this moment I am supposed to be organising all of the last minute things I need to do but I am allowing myself to CHILL-OUT and not stress anymore than I have for the past 23 and a half hours.

I am tres excited to just have a good old fashioned "girls night" - out and in (:  And I am hoping that the girls are extra silly so that the night is heaps of fun.  Although the extremely silly dares should draw them out from their box.  That or my foot up their rear end.

But a thought provoking moment.  How much does expectation ruin the fun and excitement of a night?  For example, if you turn up at a house party with a pre-conception of what you think / wish it will be like than you are automatically setting yourself up for disappointment.  Yes, you could be pleasantly surprised.  But you will ALWAYS be disappointed because it will never be what you have pictured in you mind?  So is it just smart to walk into every situation / everyday with no expectation or pre-conception of what the events of the day will hold?  Or is this what people deem unnecessary ignorance?

Well any-who, I am hoping the girls walk in tomorrow with no pre-conceptions because it is definitely not the "traditional" hen's night to be expected.  Although it will be fun (:

SIDE NOTE:  My trek "brother" and good friend Tasi Lemi got back from his mission today?!?  I cannot believe it's been 2 years already!  (Although I am sure your family disagree a thousand fold(; )  WELCOME HOME MISTER!!  I wish I was coming to your welcome home tomorrow but I will be entertaining some fine ladies so we will have to catch up on sunday (:

Cynicism lacking.

Continued Rant.

Wow.  More steam to come.

The "justice system" ... who the flip had that great brain wave?  Because I would personally love to bring them back and shoot them myself.  Court cases that stretch on for years ... people left out of the loop.  Individuals and lives tormented by men in shiny-black shoes paying off the car they have parked outside.  It's a joke.  And while the justice system is falling apart the government is more concerned about the fabricated "Global Warming" scheme and which celebrity we can bring in next to raise our recognition and tourist attraction.  Here's a thought, bring the death penalty to Australian shores, castrate and amputate the hands off Child Rapists and Child Molesters, terminate the sick people who kill for fun, entertainment, fantasy and revenge.  The world is full of people too scared to take a stand and protest their beliefs.  And this is why we live in a world where Child Predators can be living down the streets from you and your family.  How about people grow a pair and pull their heads from the clouds?  You can't get anywhere remaining ignorant and shoving it under the carpet.

SIDE NOTE:  People lose their right to privacy and a "fresh start" the minute they commit their crime.  If you are mentally unstable then you should stay locked up in a facility where people can manage and look after you.  If you did the crime with full knowledge and understanding then people deserve to know who you are, what you've done and where you are living.

Just want to have a minutes silence to all those lives lost from the Norway Massacre.  Anders Breivik has left a scar on so many lives and does not deserve to be remembered throughout history for these horrific crimes.  My thoughts and prayers go out to all the families and friends who are suffering.

<3 Rest In Peace.

choice.

Why is it that when you know something is wrong, all of a sudden the ability to stop or quit magnify's a thousand fold and you end up and half way down a bottom-less well? (And how can you be half way down a bottom-less well? Well feel like me and then try and argue).  I know it's wrong, I know that I am better than it and yet the possibility to change the action in the last few months has seemed slim-to-none.

And what is all this love-stuff about anyway? (Yes I am feeling extremely cynical today. Optimism - 0 Siobhan Cynical Outlook on life - Rising).  I have had boys tell me they love me, tell me that I mean the world to them and have them wear their heart on their sleeve when they are around me.  And yet they can't save me from themselves, or myself too, really.  When you truly love someone I think that they come first in your world.  And that if anything was going to hurt them that you would do anything to stop it.  That selfish desires wouldn't get it the way.

Even as I'm reading this I sound like a petty sook.  But with a little background knowledge I know that 99% of you would have my back (;

DRAG OVER.

I will bring sunshine, daisy's, rainbows and all that nice junk to my next entry.  For now I am letting myself wallow. (NERD ALERT: Gilmore Girl fans ... appreciate for a moment.)

Holding my breath and counting the stars.

siamese twins.

So have you ever had a relationship or friendship with someone so close that they know every deep dark secret about you, you dont have to say anything to know what the other person is thinking, and you can talk with your eyes?

I've been lucky to have two relationships like this ... one with my older sister and one with my best friend ...

tarryn kelsi ruiha mcdonald<3

She also happens to be my cousin which I guess you could call an unfair advantage because in all those "family only" situations, we still have each other by our sides.

We see each other a couple of times a week. Whether its me running in after work to have a random whinge or chat or laughh about something, or spending all night with crappy junk food and terrible movies, or going out and hanging with friends. But no matter what we still have an amazing time.

And were always there for each other.

It took a long time for me to let her know everything about me. All the good, the bad. The happy, the sad. (No rhyme intended.) And especially my weaknesses and strengths. Because when someone knows you that well they get to tell you off with no repercussions, and tell you yes and no, and stop you doing something you really want to do but isn't right.

And I wouldnt give it up for anything(:

She is my other half, my rock, my strength, my inspiration.
I don't know what I'd do without her.


We're pretty darn cute together too (;

the power of words.

its funny to think how powerful a string of words can be.

i love you.

i dont want you anymore.

delicately placed or forcefully spoken.

words can start wars, break hearts, tear apart families and break spirits.

but they can also bring smiles, warm a heart and save a life.

and the problem with words is that every literate person in this world holds a power beyond their belief. the damage and miracles that can come from speech is outstanding.

partner this with an amazing personality, breathtaking eyes and a flawless smile and its no wonder the biggest headlines on the news are murder, rape, kidnapping, stabbing ...

and who gets to determine the power of words? is it the person who speaks them or those that choose to listen?

words have been crafted and idolised by some of the worlds most famous characters. presidents like Lincoln and Roosevelt, phenomenol figures like Martin Luther King Jr and William Wilberforce, literautre geniuses like Shakespeare and Austin. But out of these how many intended or knew of the power and influence their words would have?

dont forget the small words to you can have the biggest influence on the people around you.

i hate you.

i want you.

i need you.

i miss you.

i cant see you anymore.

consider the words that construct the speech of your lifes story.

new year. new beginning.

to start the year off with a bang i got me a new man (;
haha. or really we got each other as we just kind of hung out and then started dating and voila.

definately happy to start the year with him and end a year of bad male memories.

teancum mana kadeem morrison<3
yeahpp he's pretty darn cute and amazingg.
and he treats me like a princess(:

but enoughh mushy stuff. (:
this year (as i say every year) i am going to do the things i want.

im going to take more chances.
laughh and play more.
and maybe open my heart enoughh to go through a world of pain or a world of happiness.

and keep all walls down.

well see how long it all lasts (:

over and out.