Change of the Tide

This year has brought new friends, new goals, new living situations, new experiences and new expectations.  This year has also brought with it new disappointments, new heartaches, new forgivenesses and new limitations.

This year I became more confident and also timid.  I became more impulsive and more cautious.  

I learned to be by myself, and learned to understand my headspace.

This year brought the change of the tide.  No two tides are ever the same, and this is me.

I will never be the same again.

Almost let it hurt.

It is too hard level with someone who won't let go of their preconceived ideas of the world.  When someone has been through that much pain and hurt in their lives that they wish themselves dead, it is almost impossible to take down the front that they have put up for their own protection.  After so many years of this learned behaviour any lowering of this protection is like climbing mount everest in the most severe of conditions.

All I want to do is make you understand how much I love you.

The waiting game.

The only thing worse than not knowing is waiting for answers.  Now to play the waiting game and see what changes over the next couple of weeks from the simple words of a letter.  Not too sure how I feel about waiting to see how it all pans out.  But on a more positive note feeling fresh fruity fresh more than I have in a very long time.  Having control is a liberating feeling.

Travel Bug

It's true.  I have been infected by the most damaging bug - well the most damaging to my bank account!  After being back from Thailand for ... a week I had already planned and booked my next trip!

ATTENTION LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE WILL BE LANDING IN BALI ON THE 5th OF JANUARY 2012.

Yes sir!  And I will be exploring with two of God's greatest gifts - Mister Kristofer Dickson and Tarryn McDonald.  No parents, no curfews, no schedules.  I feel great memories and further tanning glory approaching.

On a more apprehensive note: Christmas is coming!  Which will be an interesting episode in the O'Keeffe residence.  Actually to be honest it will be interesting for the entire Yates family.  I am not sure if people will even pull their heads out to force a Family Christmas this year.  It may be that relationships are too strained this year.  Thank goodness I have my licence *knock on wood*.

Time to dust off my santa hat and bring out the classic christmas carols.
Join me in wishful song <3

Attraction.

Is it crazy to be attracted to someone that you only have interaction with through old-fashioned letter writing?  That's the way I feel right now - CRAZY.  Yet it's such an attraction that I kind of don't mind being on the insane side.  

at.trac.tion 

noun

1.  the act, power, or property of attracting

2.  attractive quality; magnetic charm; fascination, allurement; enticement

3.  a characteristic or quality that provides pleasure

Secrets.

I don't like keeping secrets.

Well more correctly, I don't like keeping my secrets.  Which sounds a little crazy.  See, I am crazy good at keeping other people's secrets, "I'm like a vault, locked down."  But when it comes to exciting or scary or confusing or just secrets about me in general I am terrible at keeping them.

And as this new one is ridiculously exciting, I am pretty much bursting to share it.  There are so many friends and family that need to know.  But I don't want to tell anyone yet on the slim-to-none chance that it doesn't happen.  I have already told my parents, both my sisters, an aunty and my nana and pop so who knows who else knows about it really.

I also hate keeping secrets that I know are going to hurt some people in particular.  Those who have plans or are comfortable with the security of how things are now. 

 

Their worlds are going to be turned upside down and that's on me.  

But this is something that I really want.  And it's been a long time since I've done something just for me regardless of the consequences and others it affects.  I think it's about time that I take some me time and I know that if people really love and care about me they will find it in their hearts to just be happy for the passion and desire I am choosing to follow.

Stalk away for future breaking news.

Calm before the Storm.

Feeling awfully calm and unemotional today.  Calm before the storm?  I think so.

party.party.party.